Have you ever felt embarrassed by the things that you used to like?

 When I was little, my parents would have me try many different activities. Music, ice skating, swimming, soccer, and more. And even though I liked some of these things, somehow one triumphed in the end: ballet. How this came to be, I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t remember much. But from then on it was over. Everything else disappeared. Ballet was my thing, the thing that I was good at. I made friends there, and it became my passion.

But it also came with a downside. Every day, at school, I would be made fun of. I would have people come up to me asking questions like “can I see you twirl?” and “where’s your tutu?”. I didn't show that it affected me, but it did. I was a strong kid. No matter how much mocking I received, I would just come back stronger, more confident. I would tell whoever would listen that I did ballet, and it would become common knowledge wherever I went.

That is, until I became a teenager. I became embarrassed, ashamed even. I didn’t want anyone to know. I still loved doing it, but there was a point where it just switched. I think this came because of the looks in peoples’ eyes when they would ask me a certain question: “do you play any sports?” Now, I had to think about the answer to this question a lot. Was yes an option? Not really, because many people wouldn’t say that ballet is a sport. But at the same time, no wasn’t an option because I considered ballet to be a sport. So, that’s how I came up with this answer: “I do ballet”. No yes or no, no acknowledgement of the question. Just a statement.

And they would always react the same. They would say something along the lines of “oh, that’s so cool!”, or “I bet many boys don’t do that”, to which I would fake a friendly chuckle. But on the inside, I wasn’t chuckling. I hated when people would ask me. I hated having to tell them. I hated that people looked at me like an oddity, like someone who does something cool. I just wanted to fit in, to be seen like everyone else.

And it still affects me to this day. Although I don’t do ballet anymore, I still have the urge to pretend like it didn’t happen. I have learned to overcome this urge, but it’s there. I can feel it whenever someone mentions that I did ballet. I can feel it when someone makes a joke. And I can feel it when I think back to the days when being made fun of was a daily occurrence. 

But I’m happy that I experienced it. I loved dancing, I truly did. And no matter what anyone tells me, this isn’t going to change. The mocking made me stronger. The looks in peoples’ eyes made me stronger. Doing ballet made me stronger.